Screw You, Buddy, Screw You

Get me out of this place

before I cause more damage,

a small price to pay

for building houses out of matchsticks

- Running From Lions, All Time Low

- - -

I hate being a better friend than others are to me. It just sucks. I don't like playing the victim here, but it sure is how I feel.

You see, I'm a planner. I like organizing and taking charge. I'm the one who comes up with some idea or event, invites people, figures out all the details, etc, etc. Even when I try to sit back and just follow along, my friends still come to me as the in-charge person. (Don't get me wrong. I'm not the type of person who takes charge at someone else's get-together or party or anything. I'm not an overtaker)

But I realized tonight, that despite my planned gatherings, my friends never plan anything. Correction: my "friends" never plan anything and invite me to them.

For instance, the fair is in town. I asked 3 different people on 3 different occasions if they wanted to go with me (we all went as a group one day, but I really wanted to go again). All 3 people couldn't go for one reason or another. As it turns out, they've all gone multiple times since then, and didn't care to invite me.

I don't get invited to go to the fair, or the movies, or the bowling alley or whatever. But I'm afraid to step back. Because I'm scared I'd never go out or see my friends unless I'm the one to plan it. Can you even call those people your friends? I'm so lost right now.

I guess it's a good thing I leave for vacation in a week. Then, I'll be gone for three whole weeks and I won't have to deal with any of this. Then, maybe, hopefully, by the time Senior Year begins, this will all be cleared up and I'll be ready to power through this epic year.

So until then: screw you, buddy, SCREW. YOU.